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Mrmanman
09-19-2014, 09:07 PM
"Ladies and gentlemen: the story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent." --Dragnet intro (1950's)

Well, my following story is false, and the names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Early in the morning, the 26th of August 2014, a phone call was made. The ball was put in place, the dice thrown, and a risk forged in a cacophony of screams and Benjamin's. The phone call was cryptic at first, but Vickoria "Cold Dog" Vase went ahead and followed the directions. As she summoned herself out of bed at 3:41 AM, a slight smile overcame her face, for she knew she was gonna be placed on hold. She hated being placed on hold, but as she contacted online software mogul Steem it didn't take her long to get through to the top dog Gabe Noel.

Vickoria: Gabe?
Gabe: Hey Vick. What in...why are you----
Vickoria: I need you to pull it soon. More like yesterday.
Gabe: What one?
Vickoria: Que.
Gabe: But we just put it up there, and its making both of us a killin.
Vickoria: Things are gonna get ugly, and it's in your best interest to stay clean.
Gabe: Alright, gimme a couple hours.

On the morning of August 26, QueAge was pulled from Steem. As it was pulled from the shelves a small portion of the internet began buzzing with theories and ideas until Tryon issued an official statement saying that it was in both parties interests to keep sales oriented on one side of the playing field. Gabe Noel cringed as he saw it leave.

As the game neared it unreleased launch date, Community manager 'Scarshurt' put down his ninth cup of coffee trying to figure out the numbers. His team had been pouring over the numbers of participants in the alpha while simultaneously keeping an eye on public opinion. He knew it is was gonna be big hit; as some of the big name streamers were having a blast and even causing some viewers to invest $149.49 for whatever was taking place in alpha. After all the math was said and done, 'Scarshurt' emailed his findings to Vickoria. 10 servers should suffice, but just in case, 'Scarshurt' ordered up an additional 10 more to be ready and waiting, at the flick of a switch. Yes a switch. Moments after he sent his proposal upstairs it was met with an angry voice on the other end.

Vickoria: What is this crap?
'Scarshurt': I beg your par---
Vickoria: I don't think you understand. Our hands are tied.
'Scarshurt': Well, I ran the number three different times, the funds and demand are there, along with---
Vickoria: I DON'T THINK YOU understand.... Our hands are tied at 5 servers.
'Scarshurt': Ok...I just need to know---
Vickoria: You don't need to know anything. If they ask, you tell them. Its what we pay you for.
'Scarshurt': .........
Vickoria: If. And if, it gets ugly, I will be your voice. I type it, you post it under your name. I need to be invisible through all this.

Meanwhile, in California, Tryon CEO Scotty Heartless tapped his finger against each other and twirled around in his $800,000 gold-plated chair. The intercom buzzed to life.

Secretary: Sir, our public relations department is reporting a lot of negative buzz on our forums about the release of QueAge. Some are claiming that they have paid, but cannot play.
Scotty: Oh. Oh are they? Get me Vickoria on the phone like your job depends on it!
***
Vickoria: Hello sir.
Scotty: Whats this I hear about the subscribers not being able to play?
Vickoria: Well, according to plan, our 5 servers are not enough to handle the amount of interest in our game.
Scotty: And who's fault is this?
Vickoria: Well, yours....sir.
Scotty: I KNOW THAT! I just wanted to hear you say it tootsie. 11 o'clock my place, my wine, my bed?
Vickoria: What about QueAge?
Scotty: Screw em! They already paid $149.99. That's way more than them sticking around for only 2-3 months at $15.00 per month; before moving onto the December launch of World of Raid Finder.
Vickoria: And if they don't go away?
Scotty: Perfect. If they choose to continue to wait 8 hours in line to play for 2 hours, we spend tons less on bandwidth and servers associated fees. I think your missing the point tootsie. We have already made our money back, the rest is ours. You want an Albino Panther? Howabout three?
Vickoria: *Gasp*
Scotty: You know what? Slap a $4.95 forum user fee also. They will pay it. These things I know.

THE END


"Ladies and gentlemen: the story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent." --Dragnet intro (1950's)

Well, the above story is false, and the names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Mrmanman
09-19-2014, 09:18 PM
Epic Story Bro!

Skarm
09-19-2014, 09:20 PM
i want an Albino panther

Kriptini
09-19-2014, 09:23 PM
Ugh. If you're gonna try satire, at least make it clever or funny. 2/10

Mrmanman
09-19-2014, 09:24 PM
Thanks, at least it entertained me for a lil bit. Maybe thats why I failed English class.

Zero Neutral
09-19-2014, 09:28 PM
"Ladies and gentlemen: the story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent." --Dragnet intro (1950's)

Well, my following story is false, and the names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Early in the morning, the 26th of August 2014, a phone call was made. The ball was put in place, the dice thrown, and a risk forged in a cacophony of screams and Benjamin's. The phone call was cryptic at first, but Vickoria "Cold Dog" Vase went ahead and followed the directions. As she summoned herself out of bed at 3:41 AM, a slight smile overcame her face, for she knew she was gonna be placed on hold. She hated being placed on hold, but as she contacted online software mogul Steem it didn't take her long to get through to the top dog Gabe Noel.

Vickoria: Gabe?
Gabe: Hey Vick. What in...why are you----
Vickoria: I need you to pull it soon. More like yesterday.
Gabe: What one?
Vickoria: Que.
Gabe: But we just put it up there, and its making both of us a killin.
Vickoria: Things are gonna get ugly, and it's in your best interest to stay clean.
Gabe: Alright, gimme a couple hours.

On the morning of August 26, QueAge was pulled from Steem. As it was pulled from the shelves a small portion of the internet began buzzing with theories and ideas until Tryon issued an official statement saying that it was in both parties interests to keep sales oriented on one side of the playing field. Gabe Noel cringed as he saw it leave.

As the game neared it unreleased launch date, Community manager 'Scarshurt' put down his ninth cup of coffee trying to figure out the numbers. His team had been pouring over the numbers of participants in the alpha while simultaneously keeping an eye on public opinion. He knew it is was gonna be big hit; as some of the big name streamers were having a blast and even causing some viewers to invest $149.49 for whatever was taking place in alpha. After all the math was said and done, 'Scarshurt' emailed his findings to Vickoria. 10 servers should suffice, but just in case, 'Scarshurt' ordered up an additional 10 more to be ready and waiting, at the flick of a switch. Yes a switch. Moments after he sent his proposal upstairs it was met with an angry voice on the other end.

Vickoria: What is this crap?
'Scarshurt': I beg your par---
Vickoria: I don't think you understand. Our hands are tied.
'Scarshurt': Well, I ran the number three different times, the funds and demand are there, along with---
Vickoria: I DON'T THINK YOU understand.... Our hands are tied at 5 servers.
'Scarshurt': Ok...I just need to know---
Vickoria: You don't need to know anything. If they ask, you tell them. Its what we pay you for.
'Scarshurt': .........
Vickoria: If. And if, it gets ugly, I will be your voice. I type it, you post it under your name. I need to be invisible through all this.

Meanwhile, in California, Tryon CEO Scotty Heartless tapped his finger against each other and twirled around in his $800,000 gold-plated chair. The intercom buzzed to life.

Secretary: Sir, our public relations department is reporting a lot of negative buzz on our forums about the release of QueAge. Some are claiming that they have paid, but cannot play.
Scotty: Oh. Oh are they? Get me Vickoria on the phone like your job depends on it!
***
Vickoria: Hello sir.
Scotty: Whats this I hear about the subscribers not being able to play?
Vickoria: Well, according to plan, our 5 servers are not enough to handle the amount of interest in our game.
Scotty: And who's fault is this?
Vickoria: Well, yours....sir.
Scotty: I KNOW THAT! I just wanted to hear you say it tootsie. 11 o'clock my place, my wine, my bed?
Vickoria: What about QueAge?
Scotty: Screw em! They already paid $149.99. That's way more than them sticking around for only 2-3 months at $15.00 per month; before moving onto the December launch of World of Raid Finder.
Vickoria: And if they don't go away?
Scotty: Perfect. If they choose to continue to wait 8 hours in line to play for 2 hours, we spend tons less on bandwidth and servers associated fees. I think your missing the point tootsie. We have already made our money back, the rest is ours. You want an Albino Panther? Howabout three?
Vickoria: *Gasp*
Scotty: You know what? Slap a $4.95 forum user fee also. They will pay it. These things I know.

THE END


"Ladies and gentlemen: the story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent." --Dragnet intro (1950's)

Well, the above story is false, and the names have been changed to protect the guilty.

TLDR Nerds in a queue have a lot of free time on their hands.